A Monologue
Jun. 28th, 2010 12:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radhajTitle: A Monologue
Pairings: None, though it's about Tetsuya and Hyde;
Rating: G;
Disclaimer: Guess what? I still don't own them;
Warnings: written very quickly. Random too
Summary: Tetsuya gets some things off his chest
Important: I do not actually believe that Tetsuya would think anything like this, neither do I believe that he'd propose anything of the kind that I wrote he'd propose in this fic. This fic was my way of dealing with a certain amount of my frustration that I feel about the current situation. I do not mean to offend or imply anything. Don't take it too seriously. I see this as my own, worst case scenario fic: other people write death-fics, I wrote this.
The ending of this fic is how I'm sure Hyde would react in the situation. I'm sure he loves Laruku even more than most of us and he would be offended by such accusations. This was what I actually wanted to convey, it's the more important part of the fic. I do believe that he has every right to what he's doing with VAMPS. If anything, just look at this as Tetsuya getting insecure. Everyone has such moments sometimes.
*phew* Now onto the actual fic.
A Monologue
Can you listen me out, please? I need to say this, but just... just listen quietly. Because I'm not sure if I'll be able to say everything even without interruptions.
Let's start this way: am I boring to you? No, don't answer. That's what I meant with "no interruptions". It was a rhetorical question.
Because, you see, that's how it looks like to me. I understand your desire to try and challenge the murky waters of the business for yourself. I didn't need it for myself, but I can see how it can be tempting for the three of you to do something just by your own strength and planning. I allowed that easily enough, didn't I?
But there are limits. There should be limits. I didn't think to put them up, we're all grown people after all: common sense all around- or so I thought.
There should be limits to advertising at the expense of the past. There should be limits to PR and the things you say. Do you even realize? The way that some of your words are insulting and demeaning towards what we've done. You don't, do you? For someone with a mind as bright as yours you can be rather slow.
No, don't protest. Whether you mean the things you say to be taken like that is irrelevant. You're a damn public persona, act like it! Think before talking! That's the main rule we've always lived by, you just can't talk without considering every way your words can be taken. Even I am hurt by them, so how do you think the fans feel? I've gotten a million of fan letters asking if everything is really fine between us. They're even more scared that we might disband than they've been the first time we took a break, and we've explicitly told them this is just temporary this time. Why do you think it's like that?
And no, I'm not acting like a child who had his toys stolen. I've spent days worrying that it's what I'm doing, but it isn't. I have a right to this! I've watched from the sidelines long enough, I've looked away often enough, I kept quiet and even pushed you from behind... oh, don't act so surprised. You can't have really thought it would be this easy to jump into the industry with an actual new unit, unless you're far more naive than I thought you to be. I've bargained for you, I've tied the lose ends you left behind yourself, I've made some people look away and others to look more intently. I was always the one who's cleaning things up from the shadows.
You really did not realize, did you? I'm less surprised than I thought I'd be.
This is not the way I wanted this to go, not what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted... I wanted you to consider how things are right now. Can you feel the awkwardness at the thought of going back? We've done this a few times in the past already, but this time it's different. The gap is too big, can you actually imagine just jumping back, celebrating the twentieth anniversary though in all reality, we've only stayed together for what? Fifteen years? No, it's even less with all the breaks. Far less.
If I said we should disband after that, would you even care?
No, I said don't answer that. Anything you say right now would be just an automatic response. Oh, I'm sure you believe you'd be devastated, but that's because you never considered anything different to be possible. It's easy enough though, isn't it? You no longer like the path the band is taking, you're no longer satisfied with the music. How long have you been just humoring me? How long until you begin to resent me for keeping you bound to this?
So this is it. This is the thing I wanted to say. If you think about it and realize that you're no longer into this, that all you're doing is staying out of habit... Don't do this to the band. More than anything else, I don't want it to become a corpse that's being dragged along. Ken and Yukki have their own things too right now, they'll do good enough and you certainly will. And I will survive. I'm terrified at the thought, but I'll survive. Probably not in the front lines anymore, but you're more suited for those anyway.
So... If you want the next live to be our last, then say it. Don't keep quiet just because of some duty you think you might have towards me.
----------------------------------
The sharp sound of a slap disappeared into the walls of the room within a half-second, echoing only in the ears of its two occupants.
"I should have punched you," Hyde's eyes were positively burning into the astonished figure before him, showing no remorse even at the sight of Tetsuya covering his stinging cheek, "How dare you? I might have said stupid stuff and done some things that are even more stupid, but how dare you assume that I care about it any less than you do?"
Shaking, Tetsuya slid to his knees on the ground, burying his face in his hands, no longer able to stop the tears and letting show just how terrified he really was. Sedated, Hyde knelt beside the shivering bassist and gathered him into his embrace, blinking away tears himself.
"I can imagine it, Tetsu. At first, we'll be bumping into the corners that we forgot were there, and some that appeared while we were away from each other. We'll bruise and there's gonna be plenty of awkward silence. And then someone will make a joke that will resound in just the right way. And someone will hum a melody that all the rest of us will be able to finish the same way, even though it's the first time we'd have heard it. And then somebody, or maybe nobody, will say that they've missed it. And in our hearts, we will all agree."
"I care, Tetsu. Don't ever doubt that."
Pairings: None, though it's about Tetsuya and Hyde;
Rating: G;
Disclaimer: Guess what? I still don't own them;
Warnings: written very quickly. Random too
Summary: Tetsuya gets some things off his chest
Important: I do not actually believe that Tetsuya would think anything like this, neither do I believe that he'd propose anything of the kind that I wrote he'd propose in this fic. This fic was my way of dealing with a certain amount of my frustration that I feel about the current situation. I do not mean to offend or imply anything. Don't take it too seriously. I see this as my own, worst case scenario fic: other people write death-fics, I wrote this.
The ending of this fic is how I'm sure Hyde would react in the situation. I'm sure he loves Laruku even more than most of us and he would be offended by such accusations. This was what I actually wanted to convey, it's the more important part of the fic. I do believe that he has every right to what he's doing with VAMPS. If anything, just look at this as Tetsuya getting insecure. Everyone has such moments sometimes.
*phew* Now onto the actual fic.
A Monologue
Can you listen me out, please? I need to say this, but just... just listen quietly. Because I'm not sure if I'll be able to say everything even without interruptions.
Let's start this way: am I boring to you? No, don't answer. That's what I meant with "no interruptions". It was a rhetorical question.
Because, you see, that's how it looks like to me. I understand your desire to try and challenge the murky waters of the business for yourself. I didn't need it for myself, but I can see how it can be tempting for the three of you to do something just by your own strength and planning. I allowed that easily enough, didn't I?
But there are limits. There should be limits. I didn't think to put them up, we're all grown people after all: common sense all around- or so I thought.
There should be limits to advertising at the expense of the past. There should be limits to PR and the things you say. Do you even realize? The way that some of your words are insulting and demeaning towards what we've done. You don't, do you? For someone with a mind as bright as yours you can be rather slow.
No, don't protest. Whether you mean the things you say to be taken like that is irrelevant. You're a damn public persona, act like it! Think before talking! That's the main rule we've always lived by, you just can't talk without considering every way your words can be taken. Even I am hurt by them, so how do you think the fans feel? I've gotten a million of fan letters asking if everything is really fine between us. They're even more scared that we might disband than they've been the first time we took a break, and we've explicitly told them this is just temporary this time. Why do you think it's like that?
And no, I'm not acting like a child who had his toys stolen. I've spent days worrying that it's what I'm doing, but it isn't. I have a right to this! I've watched from the sidelines long enough, I've looked away often enough, I kept quiet and even pushed you from behind... oh, don't act so surprised. You can't have really thought it would be this easy to jump into the industry with an actual new unit, unless you're far more naive than I thought you to be. I've bargained for you, I've tied the lose ends you left behind yourself, I've made some people look away and others to look more intently. I was always the one who's cleaning things up from the shadows.
You really did not realize, did you? I'm less surprised than I thought I'd be.
This is not the way I wanted this to go, not what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted... I wanted you to consider how things are right now. Can you feel the awkwardness at the thought of going back? We've done this a few times in the past already, but this time it's different. The gap is too big, can you actually imagine just jumping back, celebrating the twentieth anniversary though in all reality, we've only stayed together for what? Fifteen years? No, it's even less with all the breaks. Far less.
If I said we should disband after that, would you even care?
No, I said don't answer that. Anything you say right now would be just an automatic response. Oh, I'm sure you believe you'd be devastated, but that's because you never considered anything different to be possible. It's easy enough though, isn't it? You no longer like the path the band is taking, you're no longer satisfied with the music. How long have you been just humoring me? How long until you begin to resent me for keeping you bound to this?
So this is it. This is the thing I wanted to say. If you think about it and realize that you're no longer into this, that all you're doing is staying out of habit... Don't do this to the band. More than anything else, I don't want it to become a corpse that's being dragged along. Ken and Yukki have their own things too right now, they'll do good enough and you certainly will. And I will survive. I'm terrified at the thought, but I'll survive. Probably not in the front lines anymore, but you're more suited for those anyway.
So... If you want the next live to be our last, then say it. Don't keep quiet just because of some duty you think you might have towards me.
----------------------------------
The sharp sound of a slap disappeared into the walls of the room within a half-second, echoing only in the ears of its two occupants.
"I should have punched you," Hyde's eyes were positively burning into the astonished figure before him, showing no remorse even at the sight of Tetsuya covering his stinging cheek, "How dare you? I might have said stupid stuff and done some things that are even more stupid, but how dare you assume that I care about it any less than you do?"
Shaking, Tetsuya slid to his knees on the ground, burying his face in his hands, no longer able to stop the tears and letting show just how terrified he really was. Sedated, Hyde knelt beside the shivering bassist and gathered him into his embrace, blinking away tears himself.
"I can imagine it, Tetsu. At first, we'll be bumping into the corners that we forgot were there, and some that appeared while we were away from each other. We'll bruise and there's gonna be plenty of awkward silence. And then someone will make a joke that will resound in just the right way. And someone will hum a melody that all the rest of us will be able to finish the same way, even though it's the first time we'd have heard it. And then somebody, or maybe nobody, will say that they've missed it. And in our hearts, we will all agree."
"I care, Tetsu. Don't ever doubt that."
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no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 11:04 am (UTC)I have no idea about the fur coat, but since I did not consider their wardrobe at the time of writing, you're welcome to imagine it like that :DD
In my opinion, that coat seriously has to burn *shakes head*