A Monologue
Jun. 28th, 2010 12:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radhajTitle: A Monologue
Pairings: None, though it's about Tetsuya and Hyde;
Rating: G;
Disclaimer: Guess what? I still don't own them;
Warnings: written very quickly. Random too
Summary: Tetsuya gets some things off his chest
Important: I do not actually believe that Tetsuya would think anything like this, neither do I believe that he'd propose anything of the kind that I wrote he'd propose in this fic. This fic was my way of dealing with a certain amount of my frustration that I feel about the current situation. I do not mean to offend or imply anything. Don't take it too seriously. I see this as my own, worst case scenario fic: other people write death-fics, I wrote this.
The ending of this fic is how I'm sure Hyde would react in the situation. I'm sure he loves Laruku even more than most of us and he would be offended by such accusations. This was what I actually wanted to convey, it's the more important part of the fic. I do believe that he has every right to what he's doing with VAMPS. If anything, just look at this as Tetsuya getting insecure. Everyone has such moments sometimes.
*phew* Now onto the actual fic.
A Monologue
Can you listen me out, please? I need to say this, but just... just listen quietly. Because I'm not sure if I'll be able to say everything even without interruptions.
Let's start this way: am I boring to you? No, don't answer. That's what I meant with "no interruptions". It was a rhetorical question.
Because, you see, that's how it looks like to me. I understand your desire to try and challenge the murky waters of the business for yourself. I didn't need it for myself, but I can see how it can be tempting for the three of you to do something just by your own strength and planning. I allowed that easily enough, didn't I?
But there are limits. There should be limits. I didn't think to put them up, we're all grown people after all: common sense all around- or so I thought.
There should be limits to advertising at the expense of the past. There should be limits to PR and the things you say. Do you even realize? The way that some of your words are insulting and demeaning towards what we've done. You don't, do you? For someone with a mind as bright as yours you can be rather slow.
No, don't protest. Whether you mean the things you say to be taken like that is irrelevant. You're a damn public persona, act like it! Think before talking! That's the main rule we've always lived by, you just can't talk without considering every way your words can be taken. Even I am hurt by them, so how do you think the fans feel? I've gotten a million of fan letters asking if everything is really fine between us. They're even more scared that we might disband than they've been the first time we took a break, and we've explicitly told them this is just temporary this time. Why do you think it's like that?
And no, I'm not acting like a child who had his toys stolen. I've spent days worrying that it's what I'm doing, but it isn't. I have a right to this! I've watched from the sidelines long enough, I've looked away often enough, I kept quiet and even pushed you from behind... oh, don't act so surprised. You can't have really thought it would be this easy to jump into the industry with an actual new unit, unless you're far more naive than I thought you to be. I've bargained for you, I've tied the lose ends you left behind yourself, I've made some people look away and others to look more intently. I was always the one who's cleaning things up from the shadows.
You really did not realize, did you? I'm less surprised than I thought I'd be.
This is not the way I wanted this to go, not what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted... I wanted you to consider how things are right now. Can you feel the awkwardness at the thought of going back? We've done this a few times in the past already, but this time it's different. The gap is too big, can you actually imagine just jumping back, celebrating the twentieth anniversary though in all reality, we've only stayed together for what? Fifteen years? No, it's even less with all the breaks. Far less.
If I said we should disband after that, would you even care?
No, I said don't answer that. Anything you say right now would be just an automatic response. Oh, I'm sure you believe you'd be devastated, but that's because you never considered anything different to be possible. It's easy enough though, isn't it? You no longer like the path the band is taking, you're no longer satisfied with the music. How long have you been just humoring me? How long until you begin to resent me for keeping you bound to this?
So this is it. This is the thing I wanted to say. If you think about it and realize that you're no longer into this, that all you're doing is staying out of habit... Don't do this to the band. More than anything else, I don't want it to become a corpse that's being dragged along. Ken and Yukki have their own things too right now, they'll do good enough and you certainly will. And I will survive. I'm terrified at the thought, but I'll survive. Probably not in the front lines anymore, but you're more suited for those anyway.
So... If you want the next live to be our last, then say it. Don't keep quiet just because of some duty you think you might have towards me.
----------------------------------
The sharp sound of a slap disappeared into the walls of the room within a half-second, echoing only in the ears of its two occupants.
"I should have punched you," Hyde's eyes were positively burning into the astonished figure before him, showing no remorse even at the sight of Tetsuya covering his stinging cheek, "How dare you? I might have said stupid stuff and done some things that are even more stupid, but how dare you assume that I care about it any less than you do?"
Shaking, Tetsuya slid to his knees on the ground, burying his face in his hands, no longer able to stop the tears and letting show just how terrified he really was. Sedated, Hyde knelt beside the shivering bassist and gathered him into his embrace, blinking away tears himself.
"I can imagine it, Tetsu. At first, we'll be bumping into the corners that we forgot were there, and some that appeared while we were away from each other. We'll bruise and there's gonna be plenty of awkward silence. And then someone will make a joke that will resound in just the right way. And someone will hum a melody that all the rest of us will be able to finish the same way, even though it's the first time we'd have heard it. And then somebody, or maybe nobody, will say that they've missed it. And in our hearts, we will all agree."
"I care, Tetsu. Don't ever doubt that."
Pairings: None, though it's about Tetsuya and Hyde;
Rating: G;
Disclaimer: Guess what? I still don't own them;
Warnings: written very quickly. Random too
Summary: Tetsuya gets some things off his chest
Important: I do not actually believe that Tetsuya would think anything like this, neither do I believe that he'd propose anything of the kind that I wrote he'd propose in this fic. This fic was my way of dealing with a certain amount of my frustration that I feel about the current situation. I do not mean to offend or imply anything. Don't take it too seriously. I see this as my own, worst case scenario fic: other people write death-fics, I wrote this.
The ending of this fic is how I'm sure Hyde would react in the situation. I'm sure he loves Laruku even more than most of us and he would be offended by such accusations. This was what I actually wanted to convey, it's the more important part of the fic. I do believe that he has every right to what he's doing with VAMPS. If anything, just look at this as Tetsuya getting insecure. Everyone has such moments sometimes.
*phew* Now onto the actual fic.
A Monologue
Can you listen me out, please? I need to say this, but just... just listen quietly. Because I'm not sure if I'll be able to say everything even without interruptions.
Let's start this way: am I boring to you? No, don't answer. That's what I meant with "no interruptions". It was a rhetorical question.
Because, you see, that's how it looks like to me. I understand your desire to try and challenge the murky waters of the business for yourself. I didn't need it for myself, but I can see how it can be tempting for the three of you to do something just by your own strength and planning. I allowed that easily enough, didn't I?
But there are limits. There should be limits. I didn't think to put them up, we're all grown people after all: common sense all around- or so I thought.
There should be limits to advertising at the expense of the past. There should be limits to PR and the things you say. Do you even realize? The way that some of your words are insulting and demeaning towards what we've done. You don't, do you? For someone with a mind as bright as yours you can be rather slow.
No, don't protest. Whether you mean the things you say to be taken like that is irrelevant. You're a damn public persona, act like it! Think before talking! That's the main rule we've always lived by, you just can't talk without considering every way your words can be taken. Even I am hurt by them, so how do you think the fans feel? I've gotten a million of fan letters asking if everything is really fine between us. They're even more scared that we might disband than they've been the first time we took a break, and we've explicitly told them this is just temporary this time. Why do you think it's like that?
And no, I'm not acting like a child who had his toys stolen. I've spent days worrying that it's what I'm doing, but it isn't. I have a right to this! I've watched from the sidelines long enough, I've looked away often enough, I kept quiet and even pushed you from behind... oh, don't act so surprised. You can't have really thought it would be this easy to jump into the industry with an actual new unit, unless you're far more naive than I thought you to be. I've bargained for you, I've tied the lose ends you left behind yourself, I've made some people look away and others to look more intently. I was always the one who's cleaning things up from the shadows.
You really did not realize, did you? I'm less surprised than I thought I'd be.
This is not the way I wanted this to go, not what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted... I wanted you to consider how things are right now. Can you feel the awkwardness at the thought of going back? We've done this a few times in the past already, but this time it's different. The gap is too big, can you actually imagine just jumping back, celebrating the twentieth anniversary though in all reality, we've only stayed together for what? Fifteen years? No, it's even less with all the breaks. Far less.
If I said we should disband after that, would you even care?
No, I said don't answer that. Anything you say right now would be just an automatic response. Oh, I'm sure you believe you'd be devastated, but that's because you never considered anything different to be possible. It's easy enough though, isn't it? You no longer like the path the band is taking, you're no longer satisfied with the music. How long have you been just humoring me? How long until you begin to resent me for keeping you bound to this?
So this is it. This is the thing I wanted to say. If you think about it and realize that you're no longer into this, that all you're doing is staying out of habit... Don't do this to the band. More than anything else, I don't want it to become a corpse that's being dragged along. Ken and Yukki have their own things too right now, they'll do good enough and you certainly will. And I will survive. I'm terrified at the thought, but I'll survive. Probably not in the front lines anymore, but you're more suited for those anyway.
So... If you want the next live to be our last, then say it. Don't keep quiet just because of some duty you think you might have towards me.
----------------------------------
The sharp sound of a slap disappeared into the walls of the room within a half-second, echoing only in the ears of its two occupants.
"I should have punched you," Hyde's eyes were positively burning into the astonished figure before him, showing no remorse even at the sight of Tetsuya covering his stinging cheek, "How dare you? I might have said stupid stuff and done some things that are even more stupid, but how dare you assume that I care about it any less than you do?"
Shaking, Tetsuya slid to his knees on the ground, burying his face in his hands, no longer able to stop the tears and letting show just how terrified he really was. Sedated, Hyde knelt beside the shivering bassist and gathered him into his embrace, blinking away tears himself.
"I can imagine it, Tetsu. At first, we'll be bumping into the corners that we forgot were there, and some that appeared while we were away from each other. We'll bruise and there's gonna be plenty of awkward silence. And then someone will make a joke that will resound in just the right way. And someone will hum a melody that all the rest of us will be able to finish the same way, even though it's the first time we'd have heard it. And then somebody, or maybe nobody, will say that they've missed it. And in our hearts, we will all agree."
"I care, Tetsu. Don't ever doubt that."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-07-01 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-01 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 08:01 am (UTC)People have been talking about this ever since Vamps was created. They think that Hyde said things that could be considered as insulting to L'arc and their music, and Tetsu seemed to be angry or something. Personally, I just think Vamps is more rock-ish than L'arc, and Hyde likes the hard rock genre, since L'arc is alternative-pop rock. He might have implied that a little too much, so the fans are worried about L'arc XD Laruku and Vamps forever! Hyde belongs to both ^^
And why do I get the image of Hyde wearing his famous fur coat while reading the last bit??? It's weird ^.^;
no subject
Date: 2010-07-05 11:04 am (UTC)I have no idea about the fur coat, but since I did not consider their wardrobe at the time of writing, you're welcome to imagine it like that :DD
In my opinion, that coat seriously has to burn *shakes head*no subject
Date: 2010-09-18 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-18 10:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-04-04 10:26 pm (UTC)I know it's a little late, but ... I just needed to say I loved this one. I actaully (and still) am pretty scared about all the VAMPS thing. hyde's annoying me lately and I really can't handle it very well. I can't stand the thought of L'Arc... idk... ending someway. hyde's always too excited about VAMPS and all and I'm just here like "well... I prefer L'Arc~en~Ciel." Actually... I don't even like VAMPS, but I do respect the fans and the band. I made a post on tumblr about it, about my fear and all. Pfft... I just want to see L'Arc lasting muuuch more. And even though they're still strong even since VAMPS was created, I'll never stop fearing it. I will ever see VAMPS as an obstacle. :|
Anyway... I truly hope hyde's reaction is the same you portrayed there.
Ah...! I wrote a fic about it too! Where tetsuya was all scared and all... but I just made him... sadder and quieter, and he didn't say a word about it (though hyde knew what it was). Even though I actually believe tetsuya wouldn't be too sad with the hypothetical end of L'Arc. I can see him somehow happy for hyde and VAMPS. And idk what I'm saying anymore. So yeah... Good one! 8D
no subject
Date: 2012-04-05 09:00 am (UTC)And I think, as far as this "fic" goes, right now it is really not late, considering the current... mood in the fandom again, after the announcement of VAMPS' tour and everything. I was actually in the mood to write something like this again lately, maybe I even will soon.
I completely agree to you about VAMPS. I don't like them, and I don't understand how hyde could prefer (because that's how it truly looks to me by now) that to the miracle that is Laruku. I do respect their fans too though (de gustibus non disputandum est and all that) as long as they respect my opinion too, and don't attack me and don't make fun of my feelings and fears about it, going as far as insulting our side of it. Unfortunately, that seems far too common between them lately, especially on tumblr >___<
I'd love to read that fic of yours :) I feel very strongly about the issue, so I love reading all kinds of views of it. I have to disagree though: for Tetsuya, Laruku is his baby. How was it that he expressed himself again? “This band will last as long as I live, I can’t say when it’ll end any more than I can tell when I’m going to die.” I think he would be devastated if laruku had to end because of VAMPS, especially as I believe he doesn't like VAMPS' music any more than you or I do, and it would kill him to see Hyde choosing that to replace L'Arc. It's just an opinion though, it can be as you say too, but I just really doubt it...
Anyway, thank you so much for your comment and sharing your thoughts about it :)
no subject
Date: 2012-04-06 02:11 am (UTC)First of all... I loved talking to you. D: And I'd love to talk about it (and L'Arc, and etc) with you... So... do you have tumblr? Or maybe an e-mail where I can contact you and all? :3 It's always a good think to find someone who share the same opinion as you. xD
Okay, now...
Sometimes I think hyde has that... preference for VAMPS because it's his ~own~ work. HE made VAMPS and VAMPS is as HE wished it to be. But I don't know... I don't understand. He's exchanging L'Arc's 20 years for... VAMPS.
When I made that post on tumblr, someone said that "they're adults and they know what they're doing", "How much lower will you degrade the band you love to make it sound like the band is run by one single person" and all. I didn't mean it's run by one single person, but I don't think tetsuya would just be all like "lol, ok, let's find another singer." And I don't even want to start thinking how much "fans" of L'ARC~EN~CIEL (and not hyde) would still be there if, somehow, tetsuya in fact chose to find another one to sing in hyde's place (again, I REALLY don't think he would do something like this).
I would love you to read my fic, but it's in portuguese (my first language). D: I was thinking about translate it to English, but I... Idk... I don't think my English is THAT good to translate a fic. xD
And about Tetsuya... I know how much L'Arc means to him. And I believe it doesn't mean any less for me or you. But I can't see tetsuya as a selfish person. I think, at least in front of the cameras, he would be okay with everything. He'd smile and wish good luck to hyde and all... And it's basically what my fic revolves around. He pretends he's okay, but he's not and... JKHSFGBJKADSGKJDHFA, I love that man. I definitely won't forgive hyde if he ends up spoiling L'Arc~en~Ciel. (though it means nothing for any of them, lolol)
no subject
Date: 2012-04-06 07:39 am (UTC)You can reach me either on here or radhaj9@gmail.com or maybe even skype if you'll want. I don't really like tumblr as a medium for conversation though. Obviously, however, I love having someone of the same opinion to talk to as well *hugs*
I agree with all your points. Of course, Hyde made VAMPS exactly how he wanted a band of his to be, whereas he had to make compromises with four other people for L'Arc. However, what I don't understand is still... I mean, he must understand he failed in a way? Maybe he does the music he wants to, but he is lying to himself if he thinks the fame he gets for VAMPS is not caused by the fame he already had with L'Arc. Most of VAMPS fans just followed him. And he has to notice (because I notice so much) that even though it's also SOMETIMES common with Laruku fans, almost ALL VAMPS fans will first mention how hot the band members are, and only secondarily the music and shows if ased why they love the band. This is what I mean the most. Is he truly satisfied to know that people come to his lives not for the music but to maybe get a chance to lick his nipples or oggle at his chest? It's so... cheap. And yet he still chooses that.
Or maybe he just doesn't care about what fans think, and just uses them how he must for the sake of being able to do what he wants. But that seems not like him either.
And yes, of course, I believe that in public Tetsuya would smile and wish Hyde all the best and promise support and wtv else too. But we'd all know how not true that would be as far as his real feelings go, and all fans would only care about THAT, not his public face :(
And of course, finding another singer is simply not an option. By now, Laruku are those four people, nothing can change anymore, because if something changed it wouldn't be Laruku anymore. I think Tetsuya has said smth like that too actually. I think the comment meant more like that the band is not run by one person, so if only hyde wants to go solo, the other members + management would be able to say no to him. But that is also a ridiculous idea. I don't think they would WANT to keep Hyde in against his will if it meant he would work on Laruku stuff while being pissed at them for not letting him do what he wants. Laruku stuff needs to be done with love, like it always had been... But I ranted about this enough on tumblr already...