[Arashi] [Sakumiya] Her Silver Lining

[radhaj]

Rating: NC-17 for future chapters
Disclaimer: Those people are not mine. Damn.
Warnings: Transgender character. Sexy stuffs later on. Nothing super kinky this time. Maybe
Summary: The job might not be the most prestigious and by far not something she had envisioned herself doing to support herself at this point of her life. But perhaps this whole thing was exactly what she needed to finally feel confident in who she was.
Note: Only technically on Sunday again but that's okay considering I skipped last one.... Also a longer chapter than usual maybe makes up for that a bit, as well as the content of it >)


Chapter 9

There was no question about whether or not the visit at Ohno's helped calm and distract Shouko. However, by the time they left the eccentric artist's little “house of art” it was already quite late. Thus it was no wonder that after they had returned and she got to finally change into her regular clothes, Ninomiya offered to drive her home. And, honestly, after the shock that she got today, she thought she deserved to be spoiled a little and thus she ended up agreeing to that.

Which led to her, obviously, inviting him upstairs politely to drink a cup of tea together once they got to her apartment, and him accepting. And now here they were: Shouko unlocking her door and letting him in and suddenly remembering, again, why exactly she didn't want to have guests over (not that there were usually many volunteers).

“Ah, I'm so sorry for the mess,” she blushed, quickly kicking off her shoes and rushing inside to hopefully scoop up most of the obvious mess and hide it somewhere before he managed to catch a proper sight of it. It was even worse than when he had come inside on Monday, which was saying a whole lot. And it was absolutely useless to try and tidy it up fast, no matter how much she might have wanted to, which meant that a few seconds later he was already standing inside with a huge grin on his face as he held up a bra that he just found hanging over the back of a chair. She blushed even harder and grabbed it from his hand, glaring at him with a pout.

“So what?” she said defensively, “I happen to like to chuck my bra as far away from me as possible the moment I come back home. You have no idea how uncomfortable these things get after a while,” she grumbled, hiding it in a pile of other clothes that she piled up in one place now.

“Oh really?” he asked, obviously amused.

“Yes, really!” she hissed, her embarrassment making her more than a tiny bit irritable.

“Then why don't you do that right now, mm? I wouldn't mind?” he suggested and she rolled her eyes. By now she was well aware that he only said these things to make her blush and not because he actually expected her to listen.

“Pervert,” she muttered, causing him to laugh out loud while she gave up on improving the condition of her apartment and instead went to make some of the promised tea, “Just sit wherever you want.”

He did, somewhere on the loveseat on the opposite side of the room from the tiny kitchen bar that she was busying herself at, looking at her in silence and giving her the opportunity to think that she now required. There was another reason why she invited him over today, other than sheer politeness or a desire to spend some private time with her boyfriend again for once. After it was obvious he now knew her situation with her family, there was a feeling between them that it was time for her to just tell him everything else that he was no doubt a little curious about. A feeling that she hadn't discouraged because while she knew she didn't owe him any of it, of course, she sort of... wanted to tell him by now on her own. And he obviously wanted to be told.

But even if she wanted it, it didn't change the fact that opening up to someone this much was a big deal for her. He already knew about her more than pretty much anyone had before and it was both liberating and frightening. Liberating because he still accepted her as she was and liked her and thus she felt free to just be herself around him. But frightening because of the knowledge that he now had enough information to hurt her more than anyone else if he were to ever change his mind about how he felt about her. And that's where the trust came in – the trust that she had to force herself to feel as it didn't come to her naturally at all because of her previous experiences with people.

So she was understandably nervous when she brought back the two mugs filled with tea with her as she joined her guest in the living-room corner, sitting down on the other side of the loveseat insecurely. There was still a fair amount of space between them like that and she was glad to see he didn't close it. Apparently he understood her need to have a clear mind as she made her decision, and his touches were known for ruining that quite a bit. They both sipped their tea in unison and the slightly tense silence stretched while she struggled to figure out how to even start this without sounding too presumptuous about how much he wanted to know about her.

“You know,” he was the one to speak up first after all, “One of the first things I noticed about you? Most first time servants or visitors in the mansion do nothing but stare around them in wonder at all the grandeur around them for their first few days or even weeks. You were far more impressed with my music,” he chuckled, “Of course, later I realized it was simply because you have most likely lived in just as rich an environment yourself, but at the time I was quite flattered.”

That caused her to smile shyly and glance up at him.

“Your music would have caught my attention in any case,” she reassured him sincerely and then looked back at the brownish liquid in her mug, her hands clasped around is as if she was cold and trying to warm them up, “But obviously you're right, you know that. The Sakurazawa mansion isn't all that different from yours so I was hardly surprised, even though it's been a while since I lived there. But you know that too if you remember when the whole disowning thing took place...”

Her voice trembled and broke and she had to close her eyes and take a few deep breaths. He reached out and put a hand on her knee supportively, which she immediately covered with her own and grasped strongly.

“You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to,” he whispered, but she shook her head, swallowed and re-opened her eyes with determination.

“They actually disowned me only two years after I actually had to leave home however,” she revealed, looking around her flat that had been her home for the last five and a half years, but then took another deep breath and made herself start from the beginning.

“I am pretty lucky, I think, as far as people like me go these days,” she finally spoke steadily, “I figured out my feelings about this... well, to be honest, I don't know how early it is compared to others. I was around eleven when I realized I was not satisfied as a boy. By the time I was thirteen, I also knew what I wanted to do about it and, fortunately, I had the means for that. My family being as rich as it was, getting the finances was a piece of cake. The biggest problem was actually getting what I needed without my parents figuring it out but... I have a cousin. Six years older than me, he was already a medical student at the time and we were as close as we could have been with the age gap. I knew he was gay so I had hopes he would be understanding about my own situation and wouldn't just dismiss it as nonsense or just some “phase”. I was right. He actually got me in contact with proper doctors in secret and after that... Well, money goes a long way. It was difficult hiding it all, but I had a couple of good friends at school who covered for me when needed no questions asked and when it came to yearly physical checks I always would pretend to just be too shy and accidentally would mention I have money to spare. Somehow, it worked for quite a while.”

“Or well, almost three years to be exact,” she breathed out, putting her mug on the table in front of her as she was afraid she might spill it otherwise with how unsteady she felt, “I don't know how I made it that long, to be honest, with how mentally and physically exhausting it was. Getting these,” she pointed at her chest, “to grow only to have to bind and hide them again. Pretending that yes of course I had to shave my face and dodging suspicions when my voice didn't start changing properly. Physical education was hell. Starting that early meant the transition was more thorough, but also harder to hide. It was no wonder that my parents finally caught up with what was happening before my sixteenth birthday and, after realizing that I had no intention of changing my mind and a huge argument they threw me out. Just like that. Not unexpectedly – I always knew that that would happen once I was found out. Only they couldn't throw me out completely or they'd be charged with child neglect so they got me this apartment and gave me a proper monthly allowance with an order to stay out of their sight for the rest of their lives. I also had been putting some money to the side in preparation for a while so I was able to live off that, especially if I also got some part time jobs here or there whenever I could. And when I turned eighteen the official disinheritance came. Although they continue to give me a smaller allowance each month to this day – probably because they're afraid I might reappear in their lives and ask for something otherwise. I might be seen by someone then, after all. That money is enough for my hormone treatment but I need a job for all my living expenses...”

She stopped talking then, suddenly, the things that she had wanted to say running out abruptly. That was his cue to finally do close the distance between them and he shifted closer to her until their sides were pressed together and he could put a hand around her very tense form. She leaned into it, but still couldn't allow the tension to disappear from her body in fear that if it did, she might start crying.

“Thank you for trusting me with that,” he whispered softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She nodded in acknowledgment, not trusting her voice again yet, and allowed him to embrace her tightly.

“I haven't seen them since then... since I was sixteen,” she said and then sighed, “I'm sorry. You and Ohno-kun had done such a great job distracting and cheering me up earlier and now I'm back to this...”

“That is nothing to apologize for,” Nino interrupted her immediately “You spoke about this to satisfy my curiosity more than anything else after all. And it just means I'll have to distract you again,” he said, somehow managing to make it sound suggestive and that was already pretty distracting in itself, making her blush and withdraw a tiny bit so she could reach for her tea again.

“Well... you can try, I guess,” she said, drinking her by now slightly cooled tea, somehow feeling as if she was giving permission to something quite important.

“Oh?” Nino arched an eyebrow and turned to face her with his whole body, “Does that imply I am allowed to use any means possible?” he asked, leaning in closer to her as she nervously gulped down the contents of her mug until it was empty and she had no choice but to put it away again.

“Maybe?” she responded unsurely and that was apparently all he needed before he put a hand on her shoulder gently to brace himself and leaned in completely.

Despite what she might have thought, he kissed her languidly and unassumingly, slowly getting her to open up and respond while his tongue got reacquainted with her warm mouth. Her hands soon found their way under his arms and up his back until she could cling with them to his shoulders, pressing her body more against his. In the end, it was actually her who turned the kiss more passionate, desperate for something that would just make her stop thinking as thoughts of the subject of their conversation threatened to come back to the forefront of her mind. She overtook him in their dance of tongues and thrust her own into his mouth, soon sucking and nibbling on his upper lips and letting the pleasurable motions distract her and carry her away into a better place. A place where people who couldn't accept her didn't matter and she had someone who liked her for who she was and was not afraid to show it.

It was no wonder that, with the make-out session escalating, they didn't even realize before she was sitting half on his lap and his hand, which had previously rested on her jean-clad ass, slowly traveled upwards, crumpling the light material of her loose blouse and brushing over the soft skin underneath. She shivered, but didn't protest. Instead she gasped in pleasure into their kiss, breaking it accidentally and leaving his lips free to slide over her jaw and to her neck while her face instinctively tilted upwards to give him better access as she breathed quickly. Both of his hands were now under her blouse, stroking her side, going higher until his thumbs were following the contours of her ribs and soon she was losing track of every little thing that was happening, instead only knowing that this felt good.

“Is this okay, Shouko-chan?” her boyfriend breathed out against her neck, which was wet from his earlier ministrations, and it made yet another shiver run down her spine. She nodded her head, somehow realizing what he meant and wasn't surprised when he next tugged at her bra, pulling it up but not unclasping it. Her ample breasts bounced a little as they got freed from their cloth-prison and she would have tried to bury her face in his neck from embarrassment as he cupped them gently had his lips not still been attached to her own neck, suckling and licking.

There was no need to even mention that this was all new to her – he had been her first kiss just a few days ago, after all. But honestly, she was a mature woman and she felt more than ready for this, willing and wanting to give him more if he wished for it. Her whole body seemed to be covered in goosebumps and she let out a few small whimpers of pleasure as he started playing with her breasts and nipples, the unfamiliar sensations making her dizzy. Noone had touched them before, noone had wanted, and now Nino was groping them like they were something he revered the most in the world. It was intoxicating. She couldn't even begin to think of how she would be able to respond to all this, what she could do in return...

“This was very much worth the wait... even if you didn't let me fall onto them,” Nino muttered cheekily, bringing some normalcy back into the situation and yet... he didn't sound completely normal, like his wit was leaving him in this situation. And soon Shouko found the possible reason for it, as she gasped and moved on his lap only to accidentally feel the bulge forming in his pants. Immediately, she flushed, both flattered (or reassured) and embarrassed at the discovery while he seemed to freeze for a moment.

“Sorry,” he muttered then, “Don't worry about that. It's just that you're so...” his voice trembled and trailed off and she glanced downwards only to realize that he was blushing quite hard himself right then. Nino. This Nino. Was blushing because she had found out he got hard for her. Despite her own nervousness (or maybe because of it), Shouko found herself giggling a little.

“You're embarrassed?” she asked, feeling emboldened by that fact and now on purpose shifting so her leg gently pressed against his groin. He hissed and grew even redder. Now she was the one to start planting kisses on his jawline and side of his face, “I never thought you'd be embarrassed by something like this. But it's okay, you know?”

“That's not... it,” he protested weakly, his hands squeezing her boobs once as if to regain some stand in this situation, “I just... Didn't plan on this. Wanted to give you all the time you needed. So really, don't pay attention to it and...”

“But what if I want to?” she asked, surprising even herself. But again... she was a mature, adult woman. It wasn't as if she had no idea what she was getting herself into or like she had never fantasized about something like this. Without allowing herself enough time to change her mind, her hand slowly slid down the front of his body until she was cupping him not unlike how he was cupping her breasts. He hissed again and she glanced at him insecurely, to ask him if this was okay and was met with glazed over, desire-filled eyes. Then his hands slipped down to stay on her waist. That was enough of an answer to her as she started moving the hand slowly, rubbing over the bulge. He let out a tiny mewl and shivered slightly.

“If... if you're just going to tease me then...” he started, but she just smiled and leaned in to peck on his lips again, shutting him up.

“I intend to do more than just teasing,” she reassured him with more confidence than she actually felt and then shifted off his lap a little for a more comfortable position. It was obvious she didn't quite know where exactly she was going with this, but she trusted her instincts to guide her as she went along and he wasn't stopping or questioning her anymore, just allowing her to do what she wanted.

Timidly, she reached for the zipper of his tight pants and pulled it down before undoing the button. That allowed her to see his dark gray boxers but not much access so she pulled the lapels of the pants further open until she could reach in. Taking a deep breath, but more curious than apprehensive, she slipped a hand into his underwear, feeling his member for the first time.

“So hot,” she yelped before she could stop the words from escaping her mouth and, although rather breathlessly, Nino chuckled.

“Yes. And that's all for you,” he muttered into her ear, apparently regaining his usual self-confidence now that he knew she intended to go through with this on her own will. Blushing and biting her lips, Shouko pulled the boxers down as well, finally freeing his erection, and barely managed to stifle a small gasp. He was... really well endowed. Not that she had much to compare to (she was quite small herself, partly because of the hormones and how early she had started taking them), but she knew enough to be sure that he was above average. Not that she minded. In fact, it... excited her a little for some reason.

Shouko wrapped her fingers around his cock then and gave an experimental stroke, to which he moaned unrestrainedly, as if to encourage her. Well... she knew how this worked at least. She was quite familiar with her own hand and what it was capable of. A couple more strokes up and down the swollen length from which she couldn't tear her eyes off and she started a tentative rhythm. They both shifted again, her hand not once stilling as they did, so she could grip him more comfortably and they could still be as close to each other as possible.

“That... feels really good,” he groaned, now bucking his hips upwards a bit and she thus quickened her hand, as well as tightened it around his cock until he was responding to it even more obviously and she could swear she could feel his dick pulsating as the blood was pumped into it. His hands weren't idle either, stroking her skin, sometimes lifting higher to fondle her chest more or even pinch her nipples which made her gasps join in with his.

“Can you... a little... faster,” he grunted out next, his face close to her ear as he had been busy sucking on her earlobe just a second earlier, “I... don't think I'll last much... It's... been a while,” he admitted and she gladly did as he asked, her pace increasing together with both of their moans. Droplets of precum were now trickling from the head of his member, slicking up her stroking as she still stared, rather mesmerized. He was obviously nearing the edge, his penis twitching in her hand a little as his fingers started digging into her skin almost painfully but rather erotically.

Then suddenly, he grunted even louder and came, his cum spurting out of his cock under her unwavering gaze, covering her hand while she continued stroking him through it until the tremors and convulsions stopped completely and he sought out her lips frantically, kissing the air out of her lungs.

“Do you...” he gasped once they withdrew from each other again, panting for a bit and then starting once more, “Can I... do it for you... now?” he offered, but she immediately jerked away.

“No!” she exclaimed and then blushed immediately because of her outburst. He was looking at her still rather surprised, “I'm okay,” she reassured him in a rush, “Maybe some other time,” she added as she looked around for a box of tissues that she usually had somewhere around the living room area. Spotting it, she quickly wiped her hand and then returned to him, cleaning him up as well.

“If you're sure?” he asked, sounding a little worried, but she nodded determinedly although refusing to meet his eyes.

“I just need... a little more time for it. That's all,” she explained.

She knew that he knew, of course. Of course he had to be aware of why exactly she was unwilling to have the favor returned. It was true that she didn't really feel a need for it – she got enough pleasure and felt satisfied enough just from doing it for him. But the main reason was that she was still afraid. That even though he theoretically knew the truth, it would be too much for him when he saw and he'd end up being disgusted and leaving her after all. It was absurd and unreasonable, she knew he had proven himself by now, but she simply couldn't help it.

Maybe... maybe next time.

“If you say so,” he accepted finally, probably understanding that pushing her was not the right course of action. She smiled in gratitude and finally looked up, quickly pecking him on the cheek, “And if you want to,” he continued then, quickly tucking himself away and straightening out his pants, “I can continue distracting you in a little bit... Just let me recover, because that was amazing.”

Notes2: I hope you enjoyed that :)) It's sorta weird writing sorta hetero stuff... >_>

Comments

[radhaj.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'm glad you say so <3
It was a very huge thing for her, yes. Not even the contents of what she revealed but the fact that she talked about it at all.
Thank you for reading and commenting :) And yes, I already added you back <3