[Arashi] [Sakumiya] Her Silver Lining
Apr. 27th, 2014 09:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radhajDisclaimer: Those people are not mine. Damn.
Warnings: Transgender character. Sexy stuffs later on. Nothing super kinky this time. Maybe
Summary: The job might not be the most prestigious and by far not something she had envisioned herself doing to support herself at this point of her life. But perhaps this whole thing was exactly what she needed to finally feel confident in who she was.
Chapter 3
Although, at the time, Shouko had accepted Ninomiya's wager light-heartedly, not truly even considering the possibility that he might have been serious about it, she came to regret that very much over the course of the following week.
It was probably stupid of her to even start feeling apprehensive about it, but she ended up mentally beating herself up for having agreed to it so carelessly. Yes, she was just his maid and he was obviously a player (in far too many meanings of the word) and thus there was simply no way he could have been earnest about wishing to take her on a date but... but what if he was? What if by some joke the son of one of the most conservative politician in Japan actually found her, a tarns-woman, desirable because he didn't know she was one?
Or at least, what if he wanted to play around with her longer and truly take her out, just to have some fun? He seemed like a nice, intelligent person to Shouko despite his flirting and teasing attitude so she couldn't believe he'd do that, knowing he'd be playing with her feelings but... Who knew? She had met him three times by now, but maybe she had misjudged him?
Oh, if only she hadn't agreed to his bet so thoughtlessly... But then again, even if she had had time to consider it more, she had never been good at telling people no. And he asked her at such a moment...
Well, there was no taking any of that back anymore anyway, so there was no use thinking about it. She just had to deal with the situation as it was and that was why she had come to a decision after thinking it over for a week. If, by some chance, he had the song finished and actually expected her to go out with him on a real date, then she would reveal her secret to him before it got further than that. That would spare him the bad feelings of going out with someone like her and then finding everything out later. And it would make sure she would not get her hopes up and maybe truly start liking him after spending some more time with him.
Chances were, that would get her fired. He was still a member of the Ninomiya family, raised with the beliefs that his parents held, so probably he'd get disgusted. Maybe he'd already even accuse her of leading him on and trying to fool him – those were all the usual reactions that she was already used to. But she was ready for that. It was still better than the alternative. She would just... have to find another job. That would be tough and she was not looking forward to all the feelings of dejection that job-hunting meant for her, but... but she would manage. She didn't get this far by being weak-willed.
“Shouko-kun, are you having trouble finding some of your tools?” the kind and well-wishing, as ever, voice of the steward interrupted her thoughts and she startled a little, turning around to flash the elderly man with a chagrined smile.
“No, Fujita-san, I'm sorry, I just got a little spaced out,” she apologized immediately with a small bow and resumed collecting what she needed from the cabinets before her.
“Ah yes, young people like you do seem to do that a lot. A lot of things, and people perhaps, to think of?” the man said meaningfully with a small laugh and she heated up a little at what he was implying, “I hope you are settling in well?” he asked then and she could honestly smile at the question.
“Yes I am, thank you. I really like working here,” she answered sincerely, trying to not let the thought that she might lose the job in just a few minutes cloud her mood. At least she now had the experience, right? And she knew that she could try out for this sort of work. Maybe some other manor staff would hire her too... “Do you think,” she started, “Do you think I'm doing a good job here?”
She hoped she didn't sound too needy for reassurance, but she couldn't stop herself from asking.
“Hmm...” the old man trailed off thoughtfully, “You are certainly much better than one might expect with your background,” he started and she knew perfectly well what he meant. For someone who hadn't had to lift a finger and had known nothing about housework for the better part of her life, she wasn't too bad in figuring out how things worked, “But what you lack in experience you more than make up with your willingness to learn and work hard. A lot of young people lack that these days. But don't use the bleach to clean the toilet bowl anymore, okay?”
She couldn't help but laugh guiltily at that remark but nodded, showing she understood.
“Yes, Fujita-san,” she giggled, embarrassed, “There are safer ways to do it. I know that now.”
The steward smiled and patted her on the shoulder before sending her on her way and soon she was walking up the stairs to the west wing, carrying all the cleaning supplies she needed, as usual. Already, she could hear the muffled sound of someone playing the piano and she was tempted to back away for a moment. Just start with another room, draw the time out and maybe Ninomiya would leave at some point, losing patience, and she could clean the music room alone and avoid meeting him. Avoid dealing with it. But there was no sense in postponing the inevitable so she took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping in.
“Good afternoon, Young... Sir,” she corrected herself mid-greeting and the man immediately stopped playing, turning to face her with a happy smile on his face. For some reason, that made her heart sink in apprehension. He wouldn't act this happy unless...
“Shouko-chan!” he exclaimed, even more eagerly than last time, “And here I was starting to worry you weren't coming today. You didn't forget about our agreement, did you?” he asked, immediately getting to the point.
“No, of course, Sir,” she answered. As if she could have. She barely thought about anything else through the course of last week. Ninomiya was suddenly standing up and approaching her quickly.
“Come on,” he urged, taking her gently by the hand and leading her to the piano after she hastily put away all the items that she had been holding, “You need to sit next to me and listen. I finished it. I kept writing and rewriting parts because they didn't feel right and didn't sound good enough for you but... I hope you'll like it. I really tried.”
He really seemed to have been waiting for this. There was a chair standing right next to the piano stool on which he encouraged her to sit as he settled behind the instrument himself. His smile was unwavering and his eyes were bright with excitement and now she suddenly really believed it. Maybe she was naïve, but in that moment she could believe that he liked her sincerely and that he didn't write a song for just any pretty girl he met. She believed she might be special enough for him that he just got inspired this once. And that made her feel even more nervous and terrible.
He started playing and then nothing in the world mattered anymore except for the music. If the unfinished version she heard last time had been beautiful then this simply made her forget she had to breathe for a while. She stared at his hands moving over the keys with the smoothness of flowing water at first but then she glanced at his face while he performed and couldn't look away anymore as the music continued to bring magic to her ears. He was completely into it, his eyes closing sometimes during the more intense moment, his lips moving sometimes as he mostly hummed the melody into which he was putting so much feeling.
If the song had really been inspired by her then it made her wonder just how exactly she managed to look so wonderful in his eyes, because it was simply gorgeous. But as much as that made her happy, it also broke her heart at the same time. This was everything she could ever want, someone liking her so much that he'd write this beautiful masterpiece for her. Yet she knew that it probably won't last longer than a few minutes after he would finish playing and they spoke. And that was one of the reasons why when the last few notes finally melted into the air and left them in silence, she had a tear sliding down her cheek.
“So,” he broke the silence first after it had stretched for a little while, “Do you like it? Did I earn my date?”
She couldn't answer with words. Closing her eyes, she nodded with a sort of resignition and opened her mouth to do as she had decided to when suddenly she realized something and her eyes snapped open. Oh... Oh. So that's how it was. In the end, he had made it so that he lost the bet after all. Her heart twinged with pain and filled with sadness, but at the same time she was relieved. It was better this way. And he probably just really was a nice enough person to commit to making her feel better. It was really kind of him to do it this way. She made herself smile brightly and look up at his face.
“I really liked it a lot Sir,” she admitted again, “It was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. However, this can't count as a finished song, can it? Not without words. So the date can't happen after all, I'm afraid,” she finished, still keeping the melancholy smile on her face, fully believing that she was bringing up the issue that he had counted on her to notice so he wouldn't have to do what he didn't actually want to do.
But instead of laughing awkwardly and pretending to be troubled by the oversight as she had expected him to, Ninomiya seemed honestly startled by her observation and his eyes widened a bit, his smile dropping.
“What? No, Shouko-chan, that's not right,” he protested instead of accepting his, as she had assumed, pre-planned way out, shocking Shouko again, “I never said anything about finishing the lyrics too, just the song,” he said, reaching out to take one of her hands between his own and looking into her eyes emphatically as he talked, “You see, I didn't write lyrics yet on purpose. Because I can't possibly do you justice if I wrote them now. I want to get to know you first,” he lifted her hand up and held it close to his chest, squeezing it a little, “I really want to get to know you,” he repeated once more and that was when his words finally reached her and she realized she had misunderstood again. His intentions were sincere, apparently. This hadn't been his way out, she had over-thought it once more. But... that meant this wasn't her way out either. She had no other choice now. Carefully, she pulled out her hand from his slightly desperate grip and put it on her lap, wringing her fingers together anxiously.
“I... I don't think you would, Sir. Want to get to know me better, that is,” she started haltingly, her voice trembling a little, looking down at her hands, unable to meet his gaze anymore now. “Not if you...” she halted and had to swallow with difficulty before continuing, her mouth feeling dry from nervousness, “Not if you knew that I am not exactly... a woman in all the senses that you probably expect me to be,” she finally blurted out, “So please, Sir, you'd do better to let the bet go. You can't possibly want to go out with me now, after all.”
She fell silent and waited for his reaction with baited breath. Would he take it well and just let it go easily, as she asked? Or would he get mad, feel disgusted, scream at her for fooling him into holding her hand when she was such a freak? He stayed quiet for half a minute after her revelation, no doubt struggling to swallow it down, and she was starting to get truly afraid.
“I'm sorry,” he finally spoke up, however, and she immediately felt relieved. He was apologizing and didn't sound mad, but he did sound regretful. So he was one of those who would turn her down gently then, maybe even honestly feeling bad about it but still unable to go through with it. She was about to lift her head and smile at him, to reassure him that it was okay and she understood and express how much she appreciated that at least he wasn't utterly disgusted by her. But he continued talking before she could do any of it.
“I'm truly sorry because apparently you've been worrying about my reaction all this time when you really shouldn't have. I thought I had hinted enough that I knew it already, but I suppose it wasn't clear.”
There was nothing that could have prepared her for that addition. The only other addition she could have expected was hm letting her go from the job because her presence would make him uncomfortable now or because he knew his mother would never approve of her working in their manor. But this? She froze at first, thinking she must have misheard and thus she looked up, a question at the tip of her tongue. But what met her eyes made her stop – Ninomiya was looking at her with the same warmth as ever and there was truly no surprise in his eyes from the revelation. Maybe... maybe he didn't understand her right?
“What?” she asked, uncomprehending, a blush rising to her cheeks. Did he really require for her to spell it out for him? “Sir, what I mean is that I am not... I mean, I don't even have all the-”
“I know,” he interrupted her with a soft smile, reaching out to caress her burning cheek and making her blink in surprise, “And what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter to me, Shouko-chan. And I really don't mind,” he stated easily and her eyes widened even more in disbelief of what she was hearing. This was... noone had ever reacted this way before, “To me you are the pretty girl that I'd really like to go on a date with. None of that changes in any way because of what you just mentioned because I really did know already.”
It was getting ridiculous – she was not one to cry easily normally, but here she was, getting completely teared up in front of him for the second time. Could she... could she really believe in what he was saying? She had always been sure that noone would ever truly want her, but... had she been wrong? He was even wiping away her tears now, gently. Did he really not mind touching her?
“I...” she started but didn't really know what to say. She had never considered this scenario and Ninomiya chuckled lightly, seeing her confusion.
“Shh, it's okay,” he reassured her, “Let's forget about the bet, okay? It was really silly in the first place, I wouldn't want you to feel pressured into a date against your will just because of that reason. But I would really like to take you out. Just... only if you agree to it yourself,” he continued softly and that was it. She was now crying outright and he was laughing a bit again, “I guess it's a good thing I'm wearing black today,” he joked as he pulled her into his embrace, letting her cry against his chest until she could compose herself again. It took her a little while but finally she was nodding against his dampened shirt. The man's breath seemed to hitch.
“Was that a yes?” he asked hopefully and she repeated the gesture. His grip around her body tightened a little and there was an unmistakable grin in his voice when he spoke again, “I'm so glad.”
“Oh but,” suddenly she was sitting up with her eyes widened and flushed again, averting her eyes, “I never thought this would really happen,” she admitted truthfully, because she really hadn't and still could barely believe it was actually going to happen, “So I never... I mean, between University and this job I barely have free time...”
It really turned out a bit troublesome for them to find a time that fit them both, but in the end they decided for Saturday morning, when they could spend a few hours before her work shift started after noon.
“Can't we just say you're working on a personal task for me and spend the entire day together instead? You are working for me after all so I should be able to make the rules,” he pouted after the plan was finalized and she was about to stand up and start working now finally.
“Sir, that would be very-”
“Inappropriate, yes yes, I know,” he cut her off, groaning, “You and your determination to do everything by the rules...”
“Besides that, Sir,” she spoke up again, “Can you really not say where we'd be going? I would really like it if I was able to make a plan for my day...”
“And I would love it if you stopped calling me “Sir” all the time, but we don't always get what we want, do we?” he countered wittily and she pouted back at him. But he was incredibly good at resisting the expression, probably because he had perfected his own puppy-eyed pout that could rival hers in intensity, “Just dress casually and comfortably and I'll take care of everything else. I'd rather surprise you. Oh and... wear your hair down, okay? I'd really love to see that.”
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no subject
Date: 2014-04-27 11:37 pm (UTC)kyaaaaaaaa~~~(it's my first time to use this "kyaaaaaaa~")
I'm sorry but maybe I was too overwhelmed with what happened in this chapter so I wasn't able to fully understand Shouko's situation.
I got the gist of most of the parts but you mean,,Shouko was once a guy and he underwent a surgery to become a girl?or he's a real guy dressed as a girl?
ohhhh sorry for the silly question but I badly need it... (sheepish grin with Aiba's puppy eyes)
Thank you for this lovely update! <3
no subject
Date: 2014-04-27 11:47 pm (UTC)As for Shouko's actual situation, it will get explained later more thoroughly, but if you're not afraid of SPOILERS (sorta) then I can tell you that she was born as a man but underwent hormone treatment to be a woman. No surgery tho.
Thank you for lovely, encouraging comments <3
no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 01:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 04:01 pm (UTC)And hormone treatment is, I think, something most people undergo first during their physical transition. Of course it has its limits and doesn't replace surgery for those that want it, but it causes enough changes that make it easier for people to pass as their actual gender outwardly :)
no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-04-28 04:03 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading and enjoying! 3:
no subject
Date: 2014-04-29 01:12 am (UTC)Thanks for not rushing the story, but taking your time and building it slowly. Too many writers want to rush through a fic.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-09 06:17 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for your kind words, I hope you'll continue to enjoy the story :)