![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
radhajTitle: Growth
Pairings: Tetsuya x Hyde (though it's vague enough to imagine anyone you like, I think)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: mention of male x male sex
Summary: The process of growing apart, growing up and growing closer
Growth
There was some hurt of course, one could hardly expect to completely avoid that in breakups. But it was small enough for us to pretend it did not exist at all.
Neither of us said it out loud, but we both knew the cracking had started when he first mentioned the problems our relationship would cause if it became public. I hid my hurt at the fact that he even cared enough to mention it, he hid the fact that he was observant enough to see through my facade. We went on together for months after that. We were content, if not happy, but the process had started and noone could stop it at the time. Neither of us tried.
It was an easy breakup in the sense that no one was actually doing any breaking. As days passed, we just let ourselves grow apart - it was intentional if unspoken on both of our ends, but it wasn't painful or forced. The day we made it official went by just as any other day and we've already distanced ourselves enough for it to not bring any real changes by then. I gave him back his key, he gave me mine and we went on with our lives. We told ourselves it was natural and it was us growing up to be responsible and more aware of our roles and duties as people in public view. It seemed like the right thing to do and neither of us questioned it.
Questioning came from other quarters - our friends and a few select members of the staff - in the form of worried glances and hushed voices repeating the question if the band would hold up after a failed relationship between members. We ignored them and laughed behind their backs because we both knew we were mature enough to deal with it and that our friendship would always hold and it would be enough. We were wrong of course. But we were stubborn and talented enough in fooling ourselves to continue believing we were right for years.
We would have continued believing it forever if it were not for an accidentally mean comment that escaped my mouth one evening years later. It hurt him in a way that he felt silly about enough to try and hide it, and I felt guilty enough to try and hide the fact that I could see through his facade. I also felt something lifting off my heart and like I should kiss him to take away the hurt and that's when I realized that I've never grown up in the first place. No grown up could have carried a grudge because of an ill thought out comment for this long and certainly no one mature would feel better after getting such petty revenge. I felt the biggest fool in the world but I would have been an even bigger fool had I let that moment pass without grabbing hold of it and trying to clean up the mess that we both unknowingly made.
What followed was a conversation of prolonged awkwardness and frustrated tears and embarrassing confessions and now I like to think that that was when we really grew up. We were suddenly presented with the ugly truth that we've wasted years over the silliest thing possible and had even felt righteous about it. We knew not how we would ever make up for them to each other, but we both promised to do our best and when the awkwardness ended and tears turned to ones of joy and confessions were over with, we were closer than we've ever been before. And not just in the way our sweat slicked skins slid against one another or the way our mouths whispered words of love directly into each other's ears that night while we reacquainted ourselves with how our bodies could join together and the pleasures it could bring. We were closer in soul and closer in mind and closer in our joined determination to never let this happen again because whatever the world thought of us we only had this one life and this one opportunity to spend it together. We were closer in our belief that only fools would sacrifice true love for something as superficial as public opinion.
Maybe one day we'll grow up a little bit more again and that will bring more revelations to us. But I'm sure now that when we do, we'll grow together and whatever new things we'll learn, they'll only make us treasure each other more.
Pairings: Tetsuya x Hyde (though it's vague enough to imagine anyone you like, I think)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: mention of male x male sex
Summary: The process of growing apart, growing up and growing closer
Growth
There was some hurt of course, one could hardly expect to completely avoid that in breakups. But it was small enough for us to pretend it did not exist at all.
Neither of us said it out loud, but we both knew the cracking had started when he first mentioned the problems our relationship would cause if it became public. I hid my hurt at the fact that he even cared enough to mention it, he hid the fact that he was observant enough to see through my facade. We went on together for months after that. We were content, if not happy, but the process had started and noone could stop it at the time. Neither of us tried.
It was an easy breakup in the sense that no one was actually doing any breaking. As days passed, we just let ourselves grow apart - it was intentional if unspoken on both of our ends, but it wasn't painful or forced. The day we made it official went by just as any other day and we've already distanced ourselves enough for it to not bring any real changes by then. I gave him back his key, he gave me mine and we went on with our lives. We told ourselves it was natural and it was us growing up to be responsible and more aware of our roles and duties as people in public view. It seemed like the right thing to do and neither of us questioned it.
Questioning came from other quarters - our friends and a few select members of the staff - in the form of worried glances and hushed voices repeating the question if the band would hold up after a failed relationship between members. We ignored them and laughed behind their backs because we both knew we were mature enough to deal with it and that our friendship would always hold and it would be enough. We were wrong of course. But we were stubborn and talented enough in fooling ourselves to continue believing we were right for years.
We would have continued believing it forever if it were not for an accidentally mean comment that escaped my mouth one evening years later. It hurt him in a way that he felt silly about enough to try and hide it, and I felt guilty enough to try and hide the fact that I could see through his facade. I also felt something lifting off my heart and like I should kiss him to take away the hurt and that's when I realized that I've never grown up in the first place. No grown up could have carried a grudge because of an ill thought out comment for this long and certainly no one mature would feel better after getting such petty revenge. I felt the biggest fool in the world but I would have been an even bigger fool had I let that moment pass without grabbing hold of it and trying to clean up the mess that we both unknowingly made.
What followed was a conversation of prolonged awkwardness and frustrated tears and embarrassing confessions and now I like to think that that was when we really grew up. We were suddenly presented with the ugly truth that we've wasted years over the silliest thing possible and had even felt righteous about it. We knew not how we would ever make up for them to each other, but we both promised to do our best and when the awkwardness ended and tears turned to ones of joy and confessions were over with, we were closer than we've ever been before. And not just in the way our sweat slicked skins slid against one another or the way our mouths whispered words of love directly into each other's ears that night while we reacquainted ourselves with how our bodies could join together and the pleasures it could bring. We were closer in soul and closer in mind and closer in our joined determination to never let this happen again because whatever the world thought of us we only had this one life and this one opportunity to spend it together. We were closer in our belief that only fools would sacrifice true love for something as superficial as public opinion.
Maybe one day we'll grow up a little bit more again and that will bring more revelations to us. But I'm sure now that when we do, we'll grow together and whatever new things we'll learn, they'll only make us treasure each other more.
