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radhajTitle: Existence
Pairings: Maybe Hyde x Tetsuya, but it's not necessarily romantic this time
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: If anyone owns them, it's not me
Warnings: Rather obsessive thinking
Summary: I owe him everything of me, because he had already given up everything of his for me.
Existence
Do you have anyone in your life to whom you are thankful for your very being? Somebody for whom you'd give up everything, up to and including your own life? And if there's something more than that - your soul, your existence, the very memory of you - would you give that up for them too, without as much as thinking about it, without a moment's hesitation?
I would. Because with what he's done for me - the sacrifices and the demands - with the things I owe him for my being who I am, it seems only natural. Do I sound insane? That does not surprise me. My sanity belongs to him as well.
What did he do to deserve this, you ask?
What a silly question. He created me.
I love my parents dearly, but even they didn't have as big an impact on my becoming who I am now. God would not have been able to shape me this way, and yet he did. He did it for all of us. All three- no, all four of us. We all feel it in our very bones. We always will, even if our paths separate sometime.
So ask a different question, one that is more correct, more worth asking. Ask what did I do to deserve it? That's the only question that matters, but it is also the one I have no answer to.
Maybe it's something simple, like being at the right time in the right place? Maybe something shallow, like having a deep voice and a beautiful face? What was it that made him notice me, made him decide to take me in even when I foolishly resisted it at first? Whatever it was, it led him to giving me a purpose, giving me a goal, protection and safety, all without asking for anything in return.
Even now, he's still giving me more, giving me freedom even though I know it hurts him to do so. He smiles and watches from the sidelines and I know he's thinking that I need to be given this time to find myself. But that's not true, I already know who I am - it's the person that he made. What I'm searching for is an answer, a better understanding of what he went through, what he had to deal with even as he sheltered us from it at the same time.
What I find scares and humbles me. I have years more experience than he had at the time and I still tremble from the pressure, still make a mistake after another and find myself at a loss for the next step. But I shouldn't be surprised, should I? I've never been the strong one, just an artist with his head up in the clouds whose ideas could only be brought to life because he made it possible. How ironic it is then that I'm the one that often gets the most credit for what we've achieved.
It does not make me appreciate it more, simply because I can't possibly treasure it more than I already am. But it does give me more determination, more ideas to give to him to polish and make into reality when the time comes. Maybe this way, when we all come back together and look at him to lead us even further once more, I won't feel so helpless anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually be deserving of it.
Pairings: Maybe Hyde x Tetsuya, but it's not necessarily romantic this time
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: If anyone owns them, it's not me
Warnings: Rather obsessive thinking
Summary: I owe him everything of me, because he had already given up everything of his for me.
Existence
Do you have anyone in your life to whom you are thankful for your very being? Somebody for whom you'd give up everything, up to and including your own life? And if there's something more than that - your soul, your existence, the very memory of you - would you give that up for them too, without as much as thinking about it, without a moment's hesitation?
I would. Because with what he's done for me - the sacrifices and the demands - with the things I owe him for my being who I am, it seems only natural. Do I sound insane? That does not surprise me. My sanity belongs to him as well.
What did he do to deserve this, you ask?
What a silly question. He created me.
I love my parents dearly, but even they didn't have as big an impact on my becoming who I am now. God would not have been able to shape me this way, and yet he did. He did it for all of us. All three- no, all four of us. We all feel it in our very bones. We always will, even if our paths separate sometime.
So ask a different question, one that is more correct, more worth asking. Ask what did I do to deserve it? That's the only question that matters, but it is also the one I have no answer to.
Maybe it's something simple, like being at the right time in the right place? Maybe something shallow, like having a deep voice and a beautiful face? What was it that made him notice me, made him decide to take me in even when I foolishly resisted it at first? Whatever it was, it led him to giving me a purpose, giving me a goal, protection and safety, all without asking for anything in return.
Even now, he's still giving me more, giving me freedom even though I know it hurts him to do so. He smiles and watches from the sidelines and I know he's thinking that I need to be given this time to find myself. But that's not true, I already know who I am - it's the person that he made. What I'm searching for is an answer, a better understanding of what he went through, what he had to deal with even as he sheltered us from it at the same time.
What I find scares and humbles me. I have years more experience than he had at the time and I still tremble from the pressure, still make a mistake after another and find myself at a loss for the next step. But I shouldn't be surprised, should I? I've never been the strong one, just an artist with his head up in the clouds whose ideas could only be brought to life because he made it possible. How ironic it is then that I'm the one that often gets the most credit for what we've achieved.
It does not make me appreciate it more, simply because I can't possibly treasure it more than I already am. But it does give me more determination, more ideas to give to him to polish and make into reality when the time comes. Maybe this way, when we all come back together and look at him to lead us even further once more, I won't feel so helpless anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually be deserving of it.
