[Laruku] [Tetsuhai] Taste of Love

[radhaj]

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Those people are not mine. I only wish they were
Warnings: All sorts of ickness: slavery, bdsm, bondage, all sorts of kinks, including the fact that Hyde is a minor in this one. Like, really a minor. You have been warned.
Summary: In a country where slavery is the main source of income, Hideto sacrifices his own freedom to protect his sister's. Young and impressionable, he finds himself giving his trust to the kind slave trainer that bought him, but there is no hope anymore for the inexperienced boy to ever experience what love is now that he's no longer in control of his own life... or is there?


Chapter 11

If possible, concentrating on writing the letter today was even harder than it had been yesterday.

Not that there wasn't a clear explanation for that. So much had happened during the day that gave Hyde conflicting emotions and he simply didn't know what he should write. Neither Tetsuya nor Yukihiro told him to keep anything from his sister so he was really free with that, but he actually didn't know what he wanted to let his precious, sensitive sister to know. Sure, a part of him wanted to share everything just so he could get it off his chest by writing it down, but another part wondered if it wasn't better to hide some things just so she wouldn't worry as much or get too sad. But he knew he had to write something by now, simply because she deserved to be informed of his situation. For all he knew, noone even bothered to tell her that he had been bought. Maybe she was still thinking he might be back, waiting for the verdict at the end of the three days. And today was only the third day, Hyde realized suddenly. It felt like it has been both so much longer and shorter than that.

All those doubts and decisions he thought he had to make seemed to pretty much disappear from Hyde's mind, however, as soon as he took up a pen and actually started writing. When the words started flowing, they flowed non-stop, without the boy even consciously deciding on them. He just wrote what his heart told him to write, and only stopped when he had written down everything that he wished her to know, though he did make a conscious effort of making it as light-hearted and optimistic as possible, no matter what he revealed. He had to take a few breaks and sometimes he shuddered when he wrote something he couldn't avoid mentioning that was particularly direct, but still he pressed on. And so not even an hour later (which was pretty fast, considering how unaccustomed to writing Hyde was) his letter was already finished.

Dear Gina-chan,

I am sure you are as surprised to get this letter as I was when I was told I could write it. And first of all I should apologize immediately because I know I should have written to you as soon as I could (which was yesterday evening) to reassure you I was alright, but to be truthful, I simply didn't know how to tell anything to you. I still don't really know now either. But I'm going to try nonetheless.

As you have probably been told or at least realized yourself by now, I have been bought after all. It was on Friday, around midday, by a man called Tetsuya Ogawa who became my owner and trainer. It is, by now, official in every way: I've read the papers myself, and I had the branding-tattoo made today. Even my name got changed – I am supposed to only be called Hyde from now on. I know none of this is probably something you ever wanted to hear, but I am relieved that it worked out like this and I have already accepted it as well as I could. And you should too, because this is not going to change anymore, no matter what.

I know this will sound weird and unexpected (or at least it was for me), but Tetsuya-san has been nothing but incredibly nice and kind to me so far. He gives me time to get used to everything and makes sure to explain everything clearly and slowly. He took me shopping too, and got me a lot of nice things so I can live comfortably from now on. The house we live in is huge! I even got my own room, and you wouldn't believe how much food there is during meals. I actually wish you could eat here too, but then again, I'm incredibly happy that you don't have to go anywhere near this place at the same time.

Other than Tetsuya-san there are also two girls living here that are being trained along-side me, one called May and the other Tia. There is also Yukihiro-san – he works as an assistant to Tetsuya-san and lives here too. Although I have yet to spend much time with any of them, they all seem incredibly nice as well. It is quite weird because I have yet to really feel the change in my status - everyone has been treating me just normally up until now with a few exceptions of people in the city, but they don't even matter to me. Of course, I have been given a list of rules I have to follow, and they will increase with time, but it's nothing too restrictive. Tetsuya-san can be quite strict about some things too, but he is always fair. And actual training will only begin tomorrow, so I'll see how that goes then. But still, don't think I'm just telling you the good things and hiding the bad – it truly is much better than I originally expected here.

I hope you are doing well yourself. I know you probably feel terribly guilty about this, but I wish you didn't. I understand why you had to take the money, and only wish you would have told me earlier, but it happened how it did and there is no use regretting the past that can't be changed. I am also glad that it is me that they took and not you after all. I know you used the money for me just as much if not more as for yourself, so it is only fair. Besides, I ended up with Tetsuya-san, who is incredibly nice and who knows if you would have been as lucky in my place. This is the best outcome we could have ever hoped for and I only wish you to stop blaming yourself and move on. With me gone and no longer working with you, I hope you'll find a way to manage, and you can't waste time worrying about me. At the very least, you really don't have to worry about the men you borrowed the money from – Tetsuya-san promised to take care that they won't cause you any more grief. I told you that he is incredibly nice, didn't I?

I hope you'll find an opportunity to write me back. I was incredibly happy when they told me that I can keep communicating with you like this, even if we can't phone (not that you have a phone, but maybe you could have gone to Kimura-san's house for it) and I don't think you can visit either, so it would be a great loss to not use the opportunity. After all, there is no saying if I'll still be able to write when my training is finished and I go to a new person, so I hope to hear from you while I still can.

With lots of love,

Hyde

There were still a lot of things that Hyde ended up not mentioning in the letter, and a few topics he had obviously avoided talking directly about, but he figured that for the first letter this was plenty enough as it was. Mostly he had just wanted to inform his sister that he was okay and try to reassure her as best as he could. He also hoped that she would be quick to respond. The more he thought about it the more worried he got about how she was taking it after being left alone, the last of her family taken away from her to who knows where. She was in a pretty bad position herself as it was without even counting her being in shock – Hyde might not have been the biggest worker on the farm, but he did bring in some extra money to the table, and now she would have to somehow make do alone. He wished he could somehow help her, but he knew that this was probably too much to ask, he had got lucky with his situation as it was. So he tried to believe in her and her ability to find a way to survive by herself.

It took him the longest time, in the end, to decide how to sign the letter. He knew his sister would probably be stricken to see the his new name there, and he wanted to just write “Hideto” there, but he figured that this would be counter-productive. His owner had told him that accepting his new name would be a big step towards accepting his new life, and the boy thought it would probably the same for his sister – she had to accept it as well, after all. And by now he realized it really did help him to think of himself as a different person when he used the new name. It had only been a day or so since he started, but weirdly enough, it was already working. His perception of himself shifted just a little bit. The name “Hyde” popped into his mind more naturally already.

He read through the letter a couple more times before folding it and fitting it into the envelope, just to make sure there was nothing he wanted to add – he was uncharacteristically nervous about it, which was a little silly. It was simply a letter to his sister, but it just felt really important that he didn't write something wrong in there this time.

After he had done that, however, he felt lost again. Just what exactly was he supposed to do with the letter now to get it sent? Noone ever gave him any further instructions, so he ended up taking it in his hand and stepping out of his room to see if there was anyone he could ask about it. Luckily, just as he went through the open door, he saw May climbing up the stairs, probably heading towards her room, and since there was no Tetsuya or Yukihiro around, he figured she could talk with him, so he shyly stepped up to her and hesitantly caught her attention.

“Hello, May-senpai?” he addressed her timidly, and she immediately turned to him with a bright smile, her blond curls swishing through the air with the action.

“Yes, Hyde-kun, wasn't it? I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you yet, but I'm sure you understand. We haven't had the chance to get to know each other, but I look forward to it,” she greeted him kindly, “Was there something you needed from me now?”

“I just...” he raised the hand that he had the letter in, “I was told I could write to my sister, but I don't know what to do to get it sent,” h explained awkwardly, and the slightly older girl's eyes widened a little with surprise.

“You have a sister?” she asked curiously, “And you know her? Oh, were you... were you free before?” she asked, her eyes getting a sad look. Hyde simply nodded, “Oh, I've never met anyone who has been... free before. I can't imagine what it's like to... I mean, I always knew this would be my life, so I guess that's a little easier...”

“It's not easy for anyone,” Hyde responded silently, looking down uncomfortably, “At least I was able to live free for a while. I don't think either possibility is better off, really,” he spoke thoughtfully, but then gestured at his letter again, a bit impatiently. He didn't want to seem impolite, but he wanted his sister to get the letter a soon as possible, and the topic of their conversation was making him uncomfortable anyway. He didn't want to think about it. It was useless to think about it, “Anyway, about this?..” he inquired again, and the girl looked a bit startled but then shrugged apologetically.

“I think you need to ask Master Tetsu about it,” she answered, “I've never had anyone I could write to, so... He just came back a few minutes ago and you should be able to find him in his room. You know where that is, or need I show you?” she offered helpfully, but Hyde just shook his head.

“I think I remember where that is. Thank you very much,” he smiled gratefully and then bowed to the girl in thanks a little bit before turning and hurrying down the stairs. He headed for the door that Tetsuya had indicated yesterday to be the one to lead to his room and found it closed, so he lifted his hand and knocked on it, a little fearfully. He hoped it was okay to just come to the man without being called, but since May told him to find the trainer here, it couldn't be bad, right?

“Yes?” he promptly heard a muffled voice from behind the heavy wooden door, and he gulped a little before opening his mouth to answer.

“This is Hyde, Sir,” he announced himself and, after only a second-long delay, he got his permission to enter. He opened the door then and stepped right in, but yelped and almost jumped back when he realized that he caught his owner in the middle of changing his clothes – the older man was shirtless and reaching out for a dress-shirt to put on just as he came in, “'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you,” Hyde apologized immediately, looking at the floor to avoid staring at Tetsuya, “I can come back later.”

As ridiculous as it was, his heart was beating faster in his chest and he felt very embarrassed. He didn't know why he reacted like that – most of the men at the farm worked shirtless on hot days so it was not like he wasn't used to looking at bare skin. But then, none of the men at the farms had intentions to engage in sexual activities with him in the future, nor any of them were, admittedly, as handsome as Tetsuya was. It was weird for Hyde to even notice something like that as he had never paid attention to it before. He always thought he was too young for it. And even now he still didn't really feel actual attraction to the well-sculpted body before him or anything like that, as the idea was too alien to him, but knowing what the future held for him definitely affected his reaction a little.

“What? No, it's fine,” Tetsuya told him, putting the light pink shirt on, but seeming in no hurry to button it up, “It's just really hot outside by now, just like yesterday. I got sweaty so I wanted to change my shirt before going out again. What was it you needed, however?” he asked casually, and Hyde still didn't quite know where to look as the man's upper body was still exposed, but he tried to ignore the embarrassment he felt. It was silly after all, right? His owner didn't even seem to recognize what was bothering him.

“I uhm, wrote the letter to Gina-chan... my sister,” he explained, feeling awkward a he lifted the envelope up to show it again, “But I don't know what to do with it now. I don't even know the address of this place so I couldn't write it,” he finished helplessly. Tetsuya lifted his head up from the shirt he had been putting away to glance at the envelope interestedly. Instead of saying anything about it, however, the man simply approached the boy and reached out to take the letter from him, without preamble taking the paper out of the envelope and unfolding it, apparently intending to read it. Hyde's eyes bulged from shock and he unwittingly let a small sound of protest escape from his throat, making the other man look at him, with an eyebrow raised.

“Is there a problem with me reading it?” he asked, sounding almost amused, “I didn't warn you about it, but you should start getting used to the idea that your privacy will be non-existent from now on. Normally, I would simply not bother invading it by reading your letter, but for now I am curious. It's a good way for me to learn about you from how you write to someone you are most comfortable with, and also allows me to sort of keep surveillance over what you tell her. So I will do this with your letters, at least for a while,” he explained, strictly but at the same time in a rather soft and calming voice. Nevertheless, Hyde's thoughts were racing through the contents of the letter, trying to remember if he wrote anything he shouldn't have or anything embarrassing, but in the end just nodded his head submissively. There was nothing like that as far as he could remember.

“It... It's okay,” he whispered, “I just didn't expect this. Of course you can read it,” he said acquiescently, and Tetsuya nodded approvingly at him not trying to protest it anymore.

“Good. Now take a seat while I read.”

The taller man indicated the neatly-made bed as he said that, going back to sit on it himself, and patted a spot right beside him. Understanding it as Tetsuya showing him where exactly he wanted him to sit, Hyde walked over and gingerly sat down, startling when he felt a hand settling around his lower back, a palm coming to rest on the hip on his other side while Tetsuya seemingly started reading.

“You seem to have problems with being touched, and that is the first issue we need to address since it is really important,” the man commented on it almost absentmindedly, and Hyde remembered Yukihiro telling him the exact same thing earlier, “Try to get used to it as me and Yukki will probably be touching you often when we can just so you learn to accept it, little by little.” Having said that, the other man fell silent again and concentrated on reading, leaving Hyde to just fidget in his seat as he waited for him to finish.

He had never really noticed that he had problems with being touched before. It was just the combination of him simply not being used to being touched, not expecting it, and the fact that he was hyper-aware of it when it came from Tetsuya of Yukihiro, since he knew where it all would ultimately lead to. Now that his attention was drawn to it, especially, he did realize it made him feel uncomfortable and tense up. He couldn't help it. He no longer even worried about Tetsuya reading the letter, his whole being was concentrated on being aware of the hand around him, and the warmth of it seeping in through his clothes. It just stayed there, unmoving, doing nothing, but the more time passed, the more nervous and tense about it Hyde became. It felt uncomfortable and his thoughts were swirling in his head almost violently fast. The thoughts and feelings that the boy hadn't even really known he had, the feelings he thought he had pushed away by now: he didn't want that touch. It didn't feel bad, no. It almost felt nice, but he had never asked for it and he wasn't ready for it. Just like he hadn't asked for those kisses from before. He was just a kid, why did he have to do this? He never wanted this, why did he have to force himself to accept it? Why did they have to touch him so much already, couldn't they just leave him alone for a bit?

“Easy now, just breathe slowly, calm down,” he was suddenly pulled back from his thoughts by the soft and calming voice of his Master, realizing he had driven himself into a kind of panic with his thoughts as he was breathing shallowly but rapidly and shaking quite strongly. The hand was now on his back, rubbing it soothingly, and Tetsuya's warm brown eyes were once more focused on him instead of the letter. Completely focused on him, worried, making him feel like he was the only person in the world, the only thing that mattered to the older man right then, “Here you go, it's going to be okay. Just breathe and relax, don't think about it,” the soft voice continued and Hyde felt his body slowly obeying it, the tremors subsiding.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...” he trailed off, having to take another deep shaky breath suddenly and to his horror realizing he had tears in his eyes, one of which slid down his cheek and he rushed to wipe it off, “I don't know why I'm suddenly reacting this way...”

“It's just overwhelming, I know. Everything is finally catching up with you, and it's scary and you can't deal with it,” Tetsuya's voice soothed him gently, “It's okay, I was wondering when this will happen. But you need to work through it with me Hyde,” he continued while Hyde harshly wiped away a few more tears. Why couldn't he just stop them from falling already? “I know it seems terrible, but I can help, just listen to me. You can trust me, Hyde. You do trust me right?”

The question jolted him again, surprising him. Trust? Wasn't it too soon to ask for something like that? How could he trust someone he barely knew, someone who just bought him on the market because he thought he looked pretty enough and would make him a nice profit?

But even as he thought that, he felt how breathing slowly became easier again and he realized that despite all logic, he did, in fact, trust his owner already. Yes, the man bought him with obvious intentions, but he treated him fairly, explained everything and hid nothing. He let him know what to expect and promised to get him ready for it at his pace. He had turned the situation Hyde was in from seemingly absolutely hopeless and terrifying into one that he knew he could more than just cope with. That was how much Tetsuya had already given Hyde. So didn't it make sense for Hyde to at least give trust in return to him?

“Yes,” the boy sniffled quietly, “I do.” And he meant it.

“Then try to do as I say,” Tetsuya murmured, “Don't do yourself the discourtesy of dwelling on it too much and repeating in your head how unfair it is or that you never wanted this. Yes, it's all true, but you can't change it just by hating it. People often end up having duties or leading the lives they've never wished for, and it's just the same thing for you now, even if it's a more extreme case. But the only way to deal with it is to accept it, to look for the good sides of it instead of brooding over the bad. Think of the things you enjoy, like the fact that you get delicious food here or got your own room. You wrote here that you liked that, didn't you?” the older man asked, gesturing at the letter, and Hyde felt a small embarrassed smile curl on his lips despite himself as he nodded in agreement, “See, that's a much better topic to think about it. And me touching you doesn't even feel that bad either, does it? I know you never asked for it, but why not think of it as something I want to show you because it is pleasant? We don't always have to ask for what we get from other people, but that doesn't automatically make those things bad, right?”

Once again, Hyde felt himself nodding. The unexpected attack of anxiousness seemed to be abating and he no longer felt anywhere near as tense as before, his owner's words working as intended. The ways he had reasoned with himself to accept the change of his situation were coming back to his mind, and worked just as well as before. This was not all bad, and his sister was safe. He should be proud of himself, and even feel thankful to Tetsuya who took interest in him instead of leaving him for some other, less kind handler to pick him up. He was lucky. Not as lucky as to be born into a nice, rich family with no worries, and not as lucky as not having his sister be pushed into borrowing money to support them, but he was just lucky enough to end up in this beautiful house right now, with an owner that treated his slaves nicely and gave them everything they needed.

“Thank you,” he whispered weakly, straightening up a bit and feeling the hand slide back down his back and still on his hip, “I feel alright now again. You should... I mean, you don't need to worry and can continue reading if you... if you want to,” he said, stumbling over his words. He didn't know how to say what he wanted without making it sound like he thought he was “allowing” his owner to do what he wanted, but he hoped it was okay. Tetsuya smiled indulgently at him as if he knew exactly what was on his mind then, but let it go.

“I will do that when. Just remember, whenever you start feeling like this again, just think back to what I told you now. And if it gets really bad, you can always come to me as well. Understood?”

Hyde nodded.

This time when the room fell into silence while the slave trainer read, the boy no longer let himself get lost in depressing thoughts. He still was very aware of the hand around him, but he allowed himself to feel the gentleness and the warmth in the touch instead, and sunk against it willingly soon. This was his owner's arm, he told himself. No matter what, Tetsuya owned him now, and that was okay, because Tetsuya was nice. So the man could touch him, and he could enjoy it. He was even supposed to enjoy it when Tetsuya did what he wanted – that was his duty now. And it wasn't too hard. He used to be happy whenever he made Gina-chan happy with something or whenever it looked like his sister was enjoying something, it was just natural because he cared for her. This was a bit similar to that, just done a bit more consciously for now. But he could get used to it. He knew it. Tetsuya was nice, and he was his owner, and it felt good to give people he liked what they wanted.

Without even meaning to, Hyde now had a barely noticeable smile on his face, making him look content, if not yet happy.

“I said that visits are hard to arrange, not that they are completely forbidden,” Tetsuya commented suddenly, and the smaller man realized his owner was done with reading the letter and now making remarks about what he read, “So your sister might be able to visit in the future some time, but I'll make no promises. It would be a bit later anyway, right now would be too soon and too distracting for you,” he explained, and Hyde felt his heart flutter in excitement. Sure, he understood that Tetsuya had given him no promises and it might not happen after all, but the fact alone that he might, actually, still see his sister some day and not only write to her was incredibly precious to him.

“Reading this reminded me that you should be given some general lessons” the slave trainer continued, thoughtfully, making the boy look back up at him with curiosity, “It's not some kind of reprimand to you as it's not your fault you never got to go to school, just a general observation. Your writing skills are passable, but it would be good to improve them, just in case any of your future Masters would require you to write for them... Same goes for general knowledge. You might never actually need it, but it doesn't hurt to improve your education if we have a chance. We should be able to spare at least an hour or so every day during the couple of months or so that you'll stay in training... Probably should include some basic computer skills as well, it's not like you would have anything like that either...”

The older man was talking mostly to himself then, but Hyde listened closely, hungry for every little bit of information regarding his training as he wanted to know what to expect. All that Tetsuya was mentioning right now actually sounded like fun to the young boy: he truly never had the chance to learn much, and he had always been interested in various things and getting an opportunity to know more about the world was something he could look forward to.

Tetsuya was, of course, also right about the fact that he knew nothing about computers. Sklabitia was just clearly divided like that – the rich had all the latest advancements of technology at their fingertips while most of the small folk lived as if a couple of centuries in the past. Horses instead of cars, for some – even candles instead of light-bulbs. Hyde's family was lucky enough to have some electricity in their house, enough to not live in the dark at least, and plumbing was no longer primitive so he was used to working a shower, but little else. Kimura-san from two houses over was the only one with a landline connected to his home in the whole block that they lived in. People were aware of it, of course, and noone crossed themselves at seeing cars and proclaimed them to be “devil's machinery” or confused them with magic, but they couldn't even dream of affording any of it. It was ridiculous, two different eras mixing together, but it didn't seem like it would change any time soon.

“I'll just have to remember that when planning your training schedule,” Tetsuya was talking in the meantime, “For now let me tell you our address so you can write it down and we'll finally finish up this letter business. I'll deliver it myself this time as I'm heading that way to sort things out with your previous employer anyway. Go sit at my desk, there's a pen there so you can write it down,” the man urged and Hyde sprung up to do as told, finally feeling that hand drop away from his hip when he hurried to the table. In his mind, he wondered what exactly Tetsuya had to visit Kurimoto-sama for and if this meant the slave trainer would actually meet his sister, but he held back from asking about it. He knew by now after all – if his owner wanted him to know, he would tell him himself.